Seeing how many relationships end teaches that both partners must dedicate enough time and energy to their relationships with each other, but also to their own inner well-being for a relationship to flourish. The main reason I have seen that leads to the end of a relationship is a lack of healthy self-esteem. When a partner lacks self-esteem, a whole range of problems arise that can destroy a relationship.
Poor self-esteem impairs healthy communication which is the backbone of a good relationship. When a relationship breaks up, both partners are cast adrift at sea, unable to arrive at a safe harbor. It becomes doubly punishing on self-esteem that was low in the first place, accentuating feelings of failure, deceiving ourselves into believing that the relationship itself was the thing that needed fixing, when instead, it was us all along.
To save an unhealthy relationship, you must help your partner feel heard, seen, respected, appreciated, appreciated and loved. To revive a reshaping of a sick relationship, your behavior needs to say more than your words.
A single ticket out of a toxic relationship is to make your love dependent on whether you love your partner, because they help you feel better about yourself. Conditionality prevents a genuine deep intimacy from emerging from the relationship chain – bursting into chaos in a personal drama – conditionality. The loss of a romantic partner may be caused by a loss of self as soon as a relationship ends.
For the reason why people fall in love, no two relationships are the same. Love is simple, but the boundary between love and conditional love is harder to navigate, more difficult to see. How easy it would be if the boundary were visible on stormy days from afar, or if there was a warning sign the size of a billboard, and as loud and flashing as a siren. Often it is only in hindsight that we learn to recognize red flags that should have been evident all along.
Everybody has their own dealbreakers, so it’s important to assess whether your relationship can continue. No relationship is perfect and it’s about hard work to make it or break it.
It is natural to feel uncomfortable talking to your partner about what you need or can’t get out of the relationship. Answering these questions with your partner is a critical component of establishing a healthy relationship. For some, hard decisions will have to be made when it comes to how needs are being met. The main cultural narrative for a more traditional view is that if you and your partner seek emotional and physical fulfillment from the people outside your relationship, it’s time to end the relationship. But this can be limiting and smothering to those within, who acknowledge they are separate people who’s individuality is more than the sum of the parts and needs time to retreat from the companionship each other provides.
An open line of communication is essential for a lasting, healthy partnership. Attachment style is an important influence on the relationship in which you think your potential partners will interact with others in their lives. The quality of relationships people have with their parents and close friends predicts the quality of their romantic relationships.
Another factor that distinguishes long-term relationships from short-term ones is that they are more complex. In short relationships, both partners are aware of each other’s needs and try to meet them. Partners in good relationships are able to look beyond the rewards because they see the relationship as collaborative.
You should keep the relationship happy without sacrificing yourself for your partner or his wishes and needs. If the couple can communicate and react to each other’s needs and personalities in a healthy and productive way, they have found the right solution and genuine relationships are based on mutual understanding and acceptance. Two people who are compatible and committed enough to make a relationship work should have enough self-esteem and autonomy to give without feeling unappreciated, deprived of the reception or unworthy or suffocated.
It can shock the heart when someone you care about suddenly cuts you off without explanation. The inexplicable and unexpected end of a short romantic relationship can feel like a betrayal that destroys trust in oneself and love for others. Every relationship requires a person to decide that he or she needs to be with someone at a certain point in time.
If you’ve ever seen a romantic comedy, you have probably watched two people find a way, no matter what obstacles are in their way. It appears that they have to leave the relationship because they can never find anything better. Everyone is struggling with the end of a relationship, but at least there is an understanding that it won’t work and everyone agrees.
In fact, the feelings that romantic love causes are so strong that they convince people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy, unfulfilling and unhappy, whether or not they realize it. Whatever the reason for leaving, look for it, for it is likely that the case began for one of the most common reasons why people end up falling out of love. These reasons have a way of preventing themselves from getting in the way of a happy ending or no end at all.
A good thing to keep in mind for long term, committed relationships is to plan for the unexpected. Often projects and initiatives take space that were not expected to occur, and you have to be open to those changes.
It can feel as if there are so many reasons why someone might choose to keep a relationship rather than ending it. This is a lot when you think about your own situation, but it can be helpful to know how others have handled these decisions.
When I asked a friend of mind for his view on long term relationships and what to expect as they become serious, and what components distinguished them from short term, he had an interesting answer. Like an ocean, relationships are constantly fluctuating and there is no telling what the next wave will bring. If you think they will remain constant and under control, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and might find your are better in the single realm. But if you don’t mind the unexpected fluidity of the ocean, if you can move with the tide instead of against, your mindset is better prepared for the unexpected things that life brings, and will come to you with an extra person on board. You don’t see your problems as individual, but collaborative, whereas in single mode, you’re that much more ready to throw someone overboard if they’re dragging the ship down. Together, you know you have to work together to keep things afloat.
Tell Talula 